I had wanted to keep this post till later this week - maybe even later towards the month. But yet, it would not have been the right thing to do. For in all honesty, my motivation for having that thought at the back of my head was simply one of fear - fear that the rug will be pulled out from under me once again.
I am buying a house. Yes - walls, windows, doors, roof, 2 floors and everything that a house has in it. It was one of the things that I had told a good friend at the start of the year that I will do this year. But where I stand today, is a far cry from what I had in mind. For I'm buying over the house where my parents, my brother and his family lives. Day in, day out. I will still be living in my pigeon hole in the sky.
Until today, if you were to ask me what inspired me to do this (i.e. assume a mortgage and pay rent), I cannot give you a definite answer. One financial responsibility (i.e. trading rent for mortgage) I can assume safely and soundly. But to assume a mortgage on top of rent - hell! I shiver each time I think about it.
Yet it had to be done. For the house was going under the auctioneer's hammer. And no matter how we "asked", let's just say, if my mum chained herself to the front pillar, it would have been the right thing to do in God's eyes.
It is, and will remain one of those things in life that try as I may to rationalise in my head - I will never understand the logic of it. And my motivation for saying that is simply this: I am the blackest sheep of the whole lot of ERs and quite possibly the only one who ever only had RM 3 to her name. For me to come and step up to the plate in this fashion ???
But here's the thing: Faith is not belief in particular doctrines or creeds. Faith is trust - absolute trust. And that is the toughest bit of it all - absolute trust. Not meeting the payments, not assuming the financial responsibility for the entire family. But trust.
As my loan application enters into Day 2 and the realisation of a error in documentation looms ahead ( i.e. money unbudgeted for needing to go out in 3 days), my shoulders are already heavy and weary. In my logical head, I tell myself - if the things go the way they are suppose to go, it would all resolve itself with some work on my part, and more understanding from the part of the bank. But hell, when you have bricks in the bank, it comes with the fear - by the truckloads.
"We often wish for miracles, but we want to see the signs, we want proof. The absolute trust must come first".
I do not ask for miracles. I have already seen it unfold over the course of the last 4 1/2 years where the mortgage remained in default, yet we had a roof over our heads. So to ask for another miracle would be just plain greedy.
Instead, I shall ask for the grace to be strong.
Might as well start practicing so the journey to Santiago itself - I pretty much know I'm gonna be needing a helluva lot of it!
I am buying a house. Yes - walls, windows, doors, roof, 2 floors and everything that a house has in it. It was one of the things that I had told a good friend at the start of the year that I will do this year. But where I stand today, is a far cry from what I had in mind. For I'm buying over the house where my parents, my brother and his family lives. Day in, day out. I will still be living in my pigeon hole in the sky.
Until today, if you were to ask me what inspired me to do this (i.e. assume a mortgage and pay rent), I cannot give you a definite answer. One financial responsibility (i.e. trading rent for mortgage) I can assume safely and soundly. But to assume a mortgage on top of rent - hell! I shiver each time I think about it.
Yet it had to be done. For the house was going under the auctioneer's hammer. And no matter how we "asked", let's just say, if my mum chained herself to the front pillar, it would have been the right thing to do in God's eyes.
It is, and will remain one of those things in life that try as I may to rationalise in my head - I will never understand the logic of it. And my motivation for saying that is simply this: I am the blackest sheep of the whole lot of ERs and quite possibly the only one who ever only had RM 3 to her name. For me to come and step up to the plate in this fashion ???
But here's the thing: Faith is not belief in particular doctrines or creeds. Faith is trust - absolute trust. And that is the toughest bit of it all - absolute trust. Not meeting the payments, not assuming the financial responsibility for the entire family. But trust.
As my loan application enters into Day 2 and the realisation of a error in documentation looms ahead ( i.e. money unbudgeted for needing to go out in 3 days), my shoulders are already heavy and weary. In my logical head, I tell myself - if the things go the way they are suppose to go, it would all resolve itself with some work on my part, and more understanding from the part of the bank. But hell, when you have bricks in the bank, it comes with the fear - by the truckloads.
"We often wish for miracles, but we want to see the signs, we want proof. The absolute trust must come first".
I do not ask for miracles. I have already seen it unfold over the course of the last 4 1/2 years where the mortgage remained in default, yet we had a roof over our heads. So to ask for another miracle would be just plain greedy.
Instead, I shall ask for the grace to be strong.
Might as well start practicing so the journey to Santiago itself - I pretty much know I'm gonna be needing a helluva lot of it!
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