The Week Past

My dad and I signed the Sales & Purchase agreement today. It is the point of no return. After the necessary were concluded, we went on our ways to start the day. And all I could do was have "Somewhere over the rainbow" play over and over and over again on in my car while I drove and cried.

I cannot really give you a reason for this bursting of the dams. But I can tell you for certain that they were not tears of joy.

Maybe it was the profound loss from the knowledge and realisation that everything I had worked hard to hoard away so that I never have to go back to being without food or shelter again, was gone at the flick of a pen.

Maybe it was the overwhelming thought of how much harder I would have to work so that I could someday sign an agreement as I did this morning to a place that I, myself truly want to own and make a home of.

I started out 2 weeks ago, so sure of myself and everything else under the sun. I start the new week on such uncertain footing, I am sitting here praying fervently that tonight would be a dreamless-sleep night because dreams in my world are just plain bad stuff.

I know I am caught in a bubble of negativity and despair. I am hoping that as the days past, it will lessen and I will get stronger.

But for now, I am not as strong as you think I am....