There is something about embarking on such a journey at this stage in life. You somehow do it as if you do not expect to return. You get your house in order and you make moments with people who matter.
Tonight I sat down to dinner with a good friend, my LegalBeagle. It was to be a purely social dinner. For some strange reason, I had it in my head that we would speak of the whimsical happenings as we used to do when we sat down for coffee and cake.
Now the LegalBeagle is one of the most sensible folks I surround myself with. So it is kind of funny that I did not anticipate that he would have expectations of this escapade I am about to embark on in 9 days. In fact, it really did throw me that he is putting me on a sabbatical come Wednesday evening.
Living up to his handle, I come home tonight, unsure of what lies ahead. Yes, I know the lesson. I know the lesson structure. But the last part of the lesson plan is still unknown. What is to become of me after?
In some small way, I have been in denial. Obstructing my thinking process by throwing myself into work - one project after the other. Simply because I have not wanted to sit down and examine truly what changes might take place as part of the TS(total surrender) process. At this point I will however state that joining a convent is DEFINITELY out of the question.
"There must be some profound change that must take place in you," it was said in true lawyer-ly fashion. "Otherwise, you might have just walked in Ulu Klang!"
So just what is this profound change? I fear to think that far. Especially since it dawned upon me that the day before I enter Santiago is the Feast of Pentecost. As the priest in my church said during his sermon yesterday - the Gifts of the Spirit which was promised will only happen if one is open to receiving these gifts.
I have kept myself at arm's length from God. Perhaps I have not fully embraced the consequence of this action I am about to take. Perhaps I have been masking it over with all sorts of distractions - making mountains out of molehills - just so that I didn't have to let my mind take over.
I am now afraid. And to add to it, the LegalBeagle is not doing his usual both sides of the coin. He is, instead, telling me to make time to sit down and think.
With 9 days to go, this is not the moment to be afraid.
Oh dear me.. what have I gotten myself into?!
Tonight I sat down to dinner with a good friend, my LegalBeagle. It was to be a purely social dinner. For some strange reason, I had it in my head that we would speak of the whimsical happenings as we used to do when we sat down for coffee and cake.
Now the LegalBeagle is one of the most sensible folks I surround myself with. So it is kind of funny that I did not anticipate that he would have expectations of this escapade I am about to embark on in 9 days. In fact, it really did throw me that he is putting me on a sabbatical come Wednesday evening.
Living up to his handle, I come home tonight, unsure of what lies ahead. Yes, I know the lesson. I know the lesson structure. But the last part of the lesson plan is still unknown. What is to become of me after?
In some small way, I have been in denial. Obstructing my thinking process by throwing myself into work - one project after the other. Simply because I have not wanted to sit down and examine truly what changes might take place as part of the TS(total surrender) process. At this point I will however state that joining a convent is DEFINITELY out of the question.
"There must be some profound change that must take place in you," it was said in true lawyer-ly fashion. "Otherwise, you might have just walked in Ulu Klang!"
So just what is this profound change? I fear to think that far. Especially since it dawned upon me that the day before I enter Santiago is the Feast of Pentecost. As the priest in my church said during his sermon yesterday - the Gifts of the Spirit which was promised will only happen if one is open to receiving these gifts.
I have kept myself at arm's length from God. Perhaps I have not fully embraced the consequence of this action I am about to take. Perhaps I have been masking it over with all sorts of distractions - making mountains out of molehills - just so that I didn't have to let my mind take over.
I am now afraid. And to add to it, the LegalBeagle is not doing his usual both sides of the coin. He is, instead, telling me to make time to sit down and think.
With 9 days to go, this is not the moment to be afraid.
Oh dear me.. what have I gotten myself into?!
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