The Capping Stone

It is a strange feeling, to have planned and worked towards something and then to achieve it. Because I have been in pain from tendinitis of the right ankle and left knee and having to move myself from one country to the other (Yes, I am in Ireland now), I am just sitting down to soak it all in.

For the next couple of days, Dublin will be “home” and I have to say, it is with much relief – I am at least able to understand and be understood here. Also, I will be here for more than 24 hours which is a welcomed change after a week of literally being on the road.

I am officially a pilgrim. Went out bright and early in the rain in Santiago this morning to get my compostela. A piece of paper written in Latin on which there is not a single word, save my name, which I understand.

But what does it all mean? Have I achieved what I wanted to achieve? Aside from physically pushing my body to the limits and my mind stretched like taffy – what else did I get out of this? And then again – what does it mean to be a pilgrim?

My Camino online friend, Claire wrote on my Facebook wall that she had met up with some Puerto Ricans on her way and they had mentioned me. I gather that would be Ruth whom I met somewhere between Portomarin and Palas de Rei.

I would like to think that those I had time to share my story with, had felt a difference and in that difference remembered me to others, and not simply because I am the Asian girl from Malaysia. I have promised Chris that I will send her a copy of Dad’s book when I return home because Rachel and her did the Camino the way I had intended to – in prayer (Ma – 6 rounds of Rosaries they said each day!)

I am in a state of gratefulness and wonderment. Kinda like a child on Christmas morning – where did all these presents suddenly come from?! I may be close to RM 5000 poorer but I am definitely certain that I am at least half a lifetime richer in experience.

What is next?

Andreas from Germany says his next goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. Dietrich also of Germany (aged 71 mind you) says next time he will start not from Lyon but from the very beginning up in the Netherlands. Lisa of Canada will have to decide what she wants to do with her career. Gambor of Hungary will have to decide if he wants to remain in Switzerland with the love of his life or pack up and go back to Budapest. Ruth from Puerto Rico hopes that she will return home closer to God. Paul of Belgium wants to spend more time doing the things he had always dreamed of doing but never got round to. And Claire from Australia will have to decide if she goes out to work or go back to studying.

Dad said that I may or may not see God’s plan for me immediately after the Camino and I gather that is about right. After all, His World is an ever evolving one – the big picture may remain but because He created us in His Likeness and still gave us free will – the lil bits to getting there may always be changing.

But for now, I want my eyes, ears, mouth and heart to remain as open as it is now. To lose the notion of “it is my way, or hit the highway!” To not worry that for “every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” and let that worry hold me back.

For these two are my definition of what it means to totally surrender my life to His hands and His will.

And if there is a bigger picture out there with my name on it that I do not yet see – Cies La Vie! It will come, when it is meant to be.

Thank you for following this blog. I hope it has brought some meaning to your life as much as walking these 118 km did to mine.

God bless!

Camino ends

It is done.

Arrived in Santiago de Compostela about 4 hours ago. And they sure know how to make that final bit last.

The trek was the worst today, physically. Even now, I am awaiting the pharmacy to reopen so I can get the pain, cold and cough sorted.

Putting all of it together, it goes without saying that as I entered Plaza Immaculata, I rung home and wept.

I have yet to take stock of this entire journey. All I know is I walked all 118 km and live to tell the tale.

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The Home Stretch

The cocks are crowing and the birds are chipping. Some folks living at this restored farmhouse with me have already loaded up and headed off.

I am taking this morning to savour the pain and the mystery. As my girlfriend said: I have walked over 100 km!

For this last bit, I am not gonna think. Gonna do as Lisa said: Empty myself. Is there more to be emptied? Yes, I think there is. Just gonna run it through the sugarcane press one more time. And I know I will cos it is downhill from here on out before the city comes into sight.

I cannot imagine what I will do. I do not want to imagine - but as we know me, I have to try very hard at that!

El Camino is coming to an end but again as Bon Jovi says: Every New Beginning is some beginning's end.

Here's to my new beginning then! Wish me luck!

The Difference of A Day

"What a difference a day makes" goes the song in my head. I finally made it to Villamaior - 7.5km away from Santiago de Compostela. I have walked in 4 days 110 km.

This morning, I said that nothing that the day brings will throw me off. As I sit here cooling down, I cannot believe I was THAT naive!

A German family who is staying here after arriving in Santiago this morning told me - tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow I will be happy for I will be arriving. The man also told me today it had nothing to do with the distance I did - didn't I do the same yesterday? The only difference is all in my head, because yesterday - everyone was doing the 30-ish km stretch with me.

I have always said: What doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger. But I don't exactly feel that right now. I feel like a crumpled heap. I caved and I broke and I lost my hat in the process.

Am I ashamed for sitting at the intersection, bawling like a babe? No. I think it was meant to be.  HE had intended it to be just so - how else would HE reach me? Truth be told, while I may have been having hymns of praise in my iPod playing, my mind was still wondering abouts. Except for that last stretch - I did everything I could to keep going. I prayed the rosary, I sang the hymns I grew up with, I cried for the Spirit to consume me just to carry my legs onward.

I think He heard me. Cos shortly after I had posted my last blog, this lil old lady came pacing up the road and quietly sat next to me. She didn't say a word. She just sat there, next to me and stared ahead at the road. And further on, 2 Austrian ladies appeared out of nowhere, also searching for their hostel for the night. And when we reached it, despite only having exchanged a few words with me, they turned, hugged and kissed me, wishing me luck on my way.

Every day since I have been on the road, I have had at least 1 person cross my path to show me some different thought. And everyday, I have also had persons come just as angels to keep me buoyant.

I am sorry that I had to come all this way, just to have my eyes opening to these facts which I believe happens everyday in my life back home as well.

And that is the difference that a day like today makes.

The Breakdown

It is 12.5 km San Polo. The airport is in front of me, the trail to my right. I have 4.5 km to go for the day. Everyone else that started out today with me, stopped walking 10 km back.

At this place, in the middle of an intersection, I am literally breaking down. My feet can keep going. My spirit tho' lays broken.

Bon Jovi sings into my head: right here, right now - this is where you're suppose to be!

Lisa from Canada told me today that the Camino is meant to empty you so that newness can take place.

I am empty alright. Not a single soul has passed me by for the last 4 hours. I cannot be more alone that i have been today.

Good lord - with so lil left to go, you decide to break me. I'm gonna have me a good cry, a smoke then move on.

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The End is Near

sobreThere is a joy in my heart this morning that I cannot explain. No matter what the terrain is today, I know it will not daunt me.

Yesterday as I arrived into Arzua, after 7 pm, I knew I must have been really late - the town's people passing me by was shouting 'sobre' encouraging me on.

It took 11 hours but I made it. What more today when i will be able to already sight the Cathedral by then?

The end is near... I can smell it in the air!

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Day 3: Palas de Rei to Arzua

I am ashamed. Here I am, a 35 ½ year old, with all my limbs intact, my health and fitness level in good conditions and I am struggling majorly to finish this walk.

It took me over 11 hours to get to where I am right now. While the bright side is that I am under 40 km away from my destination, I am still not pleased.

I just chanced upon my 2^nd pair of Irish walkers. And the shocking thing is this: the man has only half of 1 leg. And he looked mighty fine, lounging in the chair downstairs while I look and feel like something the cat dragged in.

This is a treacherous leg – no wonder many organisers advise that you break it up into 2 bits. I am trying to remember why then did I decide to do this same distance tomorrow. Just so I have a lil bit left on my last day?

So many things have not gone as planned on this trip. While it has allowed me to open my eyes a bit more, I am also struggling with the loss of control. I should be out there right now, having my dinner, chatting with more folks about the experience. Instead, I am smelling like last week’s vegetables and aching in places I never knew existed on my body.

Maybe I am lacking focus here – after all, isn’t this supposed to be about surrendering?

With 1 day left, I am now worried – would this all be for nothing in the end?

All by myself

I am halfway there. But I am also.tired of being all by myself. This solitary lifestyle, you would think I'd be used to it - living by myself. But there is something about being on a road such as this on your own.

It drives home how much people need people to thrive.

It reminds me: how is where your heart is.

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Babies

I'm talking online to my daughter, Lydia, right now. And I am realising just how much I am missing them.

Yesterday, my walking companion, Carmen, who has a 19 year old daughter, told me: Enjoy them now cos before you know it, they will be out of the house and out of your life!

I admit - this trip is very selfish on my part. And it is something I am realising now when I am already on it. Can I see them doing the Camino with me? Not exactly. So I can only hope that I come back a better person so that I can be a better mum and role-model for them.

Oh well - never again to be away for so long without them.

Love you Doh-bird and Lukey!

Prayers

Twice today, after talking with people and answering their questions of Why I am on the Camino, I have had persons - perfect strangers - asked if they could pray for me. It happened on the trail and it happened again this evening.

I was all ready to crawl into bed and hole up for the night some 3 hours ago with my book. But the sounds of this Puerto Rican group who is travelling the Camino and playing folk hymns from their country wherever they stop at night was just calling out to me. And I thought to myself: I didn't come all this way to read my book! I could have just done that at home and save all the pain.

So into the muchos frio (very cold) night air I went and it was a sight! And a blessing. For if you remember from my earlier post, the pains of this body was so great it was beginning to get to me. So to hear Psalm 66 being sung in a language I did not understand - man! That blew me away!

And it lead on to a conversation with a group of ladies, one of whom I had met at lunch today and we got to talking. And their prayer for me, at the end of the evening (I can't bring myself to call it night cos right now, the sky is still so damn bright!), was exactly what I had needed - a reminder of all the things that is good.

If you recall last week, I had written about this expected profound change after all this is done and dusted. Something concrete that is to stay with me and within me. Right up till tonight, I could not see what it was. And the fog has lifted. And it is simply this: That I remain open to all things and persons around me!

From the Camino: Portomarin to Palas de Rei

I logged on to my Facebook to find a truly inspiring remind from Sam. It was a quote from the movie Forrest Gump, where he said: When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went. Lady: And so, you just WALK? F.Gump: Yes! I lost track of the number of times I had stopped and well, for the same distance as yesterday, I only managed to clear it in 9 hours. I cannot imagine tomorrow and the day after which has an extra 10km each.

My body is in such pain today, I am so tempted to cancel all my appointments in Dublin for Wednesday and Thursday, and just stay an extra 2 days so I can lie in bed tomorrow and not move. And despite all the precautions I took, I am today a proud owner of 3 baby blisters all on my toes.

But I have to say this: Perhaps God reads blogs! Cos last night, after I had uploaded my post and feeling so lost and forlorn, I met my 1st friend of the Camino - Paul of Belgium. Paul is cycling his way and he started 3 weeks ago from Antwerp. As I write this, he would have entered into Santiago already. I am grateful that he decided to camp out under a tree in the garden of the place I was staying at cos he spoke English (very selfish I know but hell!) The encouragement he gave (especially about food and needing to eat more to have the energy) went a long way especially this morning, needing to start out on Day 2.

Now, I know all about the Day 2 blues. But nothing prepared me for how my body would fight against my will. So I guess, it was further blessing that I met more people who spoke English and decided to give Spanish a serious go - I have now added about 20 other words to "hello" and "ice cream."

We all walk this way because we want to do something in a seriously big way. My walking companion for the last 10 km today was Carmen from Toronto. She started from France and Dad - she's about as big as you are. I also met another lady, Nicole who is on her 3rd run of the Camino. And she speaks of doing it differently next year as if it is a given thing.

There were no major realisations today simply because I was paying my pain too much attention. If God is tuning in today - I'm gonna ask simply for this: Shut my pain receptors down tomorrow so that I don't turn around, get on a bus and say "screw this!"

Till the next time I find free internet again- Hasta Luego!

From the Camino: Sarria to Portomarin

It’s the end of my 1^st day of walking. And I swear, if my feet had a say, they would have left me about 20 km away.

I was so naïve to think that the Camino de Santiago de Compostela was something you could train for. Hell – no amount of walking on the treadmill or BodyPump classes could have prepared me for this. In a way, I am glad I did not spend all that much time at the gym the last few weeks. I would be cursing and swearing even harder!

Anyways, after 2 days of sleeping at odd angles, the train ride from Madrid to Sarria was a welcomed change. A wee tiny bed in a chamber smaller than my study room, filled with 4 adult bodies. And guess what – none of them spoke English! Nonetheless, we go through the night. Morning saw 3 of us heading off onto the Camino at Sarria – still not saying any more than “Hola”.

Some of you would have caught my desperate plea over Facebook as I stood at the corner of the coffee shop, cigarette in hand, staring down the direction I was pointed towards. If not for the other chap having his cigarette as well, I would have sunk to my knees beside the lamppost and bawled my heart out.

I would like to think that it was your response to my cry for prayers that has me sitting here at the Casa Rural Santa Marina, typing out today’s events.  Otherwise, I would likely be sitting at the Sarria train station, waiting for the train back to Madrid by now!

What have I learnt at the end of today’s 23 km? A few key things:

1) There is an invisible strength in numbers – 6 hours of walking, I think apart from myself, there were only about 5 others that I met along the way who was walking on their own. Ever few km or so, you’ll find pairs of folks sitting down to their packed picnic stuff or stopping to take pictures of each other at key markers. Perhaps that was why the ladies at the Amigos centre were surprised at this escapade of mine yesterday – they knew!

2) Life goes on – much of the route took me to people’s backyards. Lil old ladies were farming their vegetable patch, men running their tractors up and down the fields. Life goes on even as I am on quite possibly the biggest adventure of my life! Go figure!

3) The universal language – There is something about not understanding what another person is saying that reminds you the importance of your hands. At this point, I hope my feet are not tuning in or they will really disown for the credit I am about to give to my hands. It is the universal language – your hand gestures. A German elderly man (Dad – he is definitely older than you!) saw me slowing down towards the last leg and he said in German that I was tiring. When that failed, he decided to go with “flat” with his hands gesturing a levelled ground. Yes – my battery was low was my reply.

4) Forgetting the sound of your own voice – Yes, it is quite possible. Especially when the only words that come out have been “Hola” and “Buen Camino!” These foreign words rolling off my tongue and silence in between has led me to believe that somewhere between Doha and Madrid, I left my voice behind.

5) Uphill / downhill – They always say, take the stairs up, not down, if you wanna get healthy. Well, at this point, I cannot decide which is the lesser of two evils – uphill or down. Having to climb requires sheer grit – do what you must to just get to the top. But going downhill requires the right balance of control on all parts of your body. Lean forward a tad too much and you’re gonna go rumble-tumble just like Jack (of Jack and Jill). Put too much control and your knees are gonna make you pay for it, along with your back. So there – sheer grit or balance of control?!

As I sit, clean (finally!), cold (never believe an European when they tell you the weather has turned warm!) and full (a surprise complimentary lunch from Sarah, the bodega owner of a huge salad) – I am trying to figure this out: I came on this journey, wanting to tell my story and God’s glory and grace. How the hell am I to do that when I don’t even know how much a meal cost?!

Perhaps all is not lost just yet. Perhaps that which I had in mind, is not what is meant to be.

Anyways – 23 km in the bag. Let’s be open to what tomorrow brings!

Sarria onward

Right. It is off to the starting point.

Please keep my feet in your prayers. They have started to hurt a bit.

Saw 2 chaps on their Camino at the train station. One of them was hobbling quite badly.

Yups. Nerves are getting to me now. But the bright side is Cafe con Leche which I have learnt to pronounce.

Nothing like a cafe latte to make things right.

Till I write from the Camino...

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Half Day / Half Time

What a crazy morning it has been! The ‘locker experience’ at the train stations really knocked my socks off me. Well, I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that the dude manning the place finally took pity on me and changed EUR 1 for me into coins, sparring me another trip out with my big bag – who in heavens name would have thought the machines only took exact change!
I have seen a lot of Madrid’s metro system in the 3 hours that I have been here. Everything else has been a blur.

Made my way from Chamartin station to Puerta del Sol for the Amigos de Camino de Santiago (Friends of the Way of St James) office. So much for my “let’s wing it without my travel foldies”   - these lil booklets I make with specific walking directions from Google Map.

At this point I am gonna shout “Bloody Hell” as a bird just came and took a nip off my sandwich while my attention was tuned on writing this out!

Anyways, back to the Amigos office. 2 wrong turns, stopping to ask (point to my address sheet) for directions and finally finding it located in a proper office block. Along the way, my focus on the mission was severely tested as the street was lined with lots of shopping opportunities. AND EVERYONE OF THEM IS ON SALE!

The folks at the Amigos office were sweet dears. No one who worked there looked a day under 60. I kid you not! It’s as if they are veterans and is manning the office to keep the Way alive. I had to fill out this form that was written in Spanish. A bit of fiddly-do later, I was directed to the front desk where after 30 seconds exclamations sound and a flurry of Spanish later I caught the word “Malaysia”.

And that was followed by another flurry of Spanish. Fortunately a nice gentleman (Jose) who was there to get his credential as well knew some English and translated for me. Apparently, it was not done that I have traveled all this way to Spain to do the Camino and only walk the last 100 km. I, apparently, am wasting my efforts by not starting from the starting point 800 km away. Bejesus! Talk about Great Expectations!

The Ladies filling out my credential

Anyways, all said and done, I got my credential which I am to have chopped twice a day. And if tomorrow nothing is open in Sarria at 6 am for me before I push off, I was advised to head to the police station. Erm someone should tell them that where we come from – the police station is always the last place you wanna ever step into! And oh! The credential was only handed over after a promised was weedled out to come back and do the whole way.

Right – so with my lunch in the Parque del Retiro (which is this huge park ala Lake Gardens), I have nothing left to do except catch a free tour later at 3 to see more of Madrid, then make my way back to the train station (by the by, I have decided to screw searching for the bath house!) and wait for my train to Sarria.

This is indeed history in the making!