A Plate of Chicken

I went to my old neighborhood food stall for dinner last night while waiting for my cleaning lady to be ready to come over.

As I sat and tucked into my food, I noticed an elderly man - a construction work by the looks of his mud-caked boots, dining on a plate of roti canai (the Malaysian version of pancake), drenched in curry gravy and a cup of tea. He was trying to get the attention of the waiter, and as he did, he pulled out about 3 dollars from his shirt pocket.

Something about the looks of him and his dinner made me look at my own plate - chicken vindaloo, cauliflower pakora and beancurd. It also made me recall the tally on the spending I had done during the day on Christmas gifts, clothes and food. 

As I continued eating, I battled with the thought of 1) flagging the waiter over and telling him to put the Uncle's bill on my tab and 2) ordering him a plate of meat. I looked around - folks around me were eating hearty plates of food, teenagers using the shop's free Wi-Fi to surf on their laptops, iPads and iPods; so much excesses when among us sat a old man who should be seeing better days at this stage of his life.

I should have done what I wanted to do WITHOUT HESITATION. Didn't the Camino teach me that life and living is in each and every moment? Didn't we, on our journey, see an interesting sight - stop to take it all in? Didn't we, on our journey, strike up conversations with total strangers without a thought of what others would think of us?

As I finished up and so did the Uncle (and he cleaned the plate of the last drop of gravy), I said to myself - Heck care what the others think and called the waiter over. Turned out, dinner was on the house courtesy of the cook. So I asked him to bring the Uncle a plate of meat of the Uncle's choosing. And in that instance, while the waiter asked the Uncle what he wanted, I realised that while I may have completed my Camino 6 months ago, I still have much to learn.

For I should not have waited. Uncle should have enjoyed his chicken vindaloo (hey we have the same taste) with his roti canai - not after.

But I walked away knowing that while I still have much to learn - I am learning. The imagine of Uncle enjoying each and every piece of chicken will, if not for anything else, close my year with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart.

As we wind down the Advent season (Today being the 4th and last Sunday of Advent), let us remember those who have less than and carry that remembrance into action. And let us also remember that it should just be Christmas in December, but Christmas everyday in our lives - just as Christ lives in us each and every day.

Mysteries

My world has been slowly coming apart brick by brick in the past week.

From my last post, my colleague cautioned me - open yourself up as such to God and be ready for trials and tribulations to come your way. But I told her - God will not forsake me.

I am fighting hard to keep the hope up. At the end of the day, He has showed me that He can make miracles happen if it is within His Will, not mine.

It's a mystery. But then again, so is life. Keep the faith! Fight hard to keep it!

Higher Ground

Today marks the 5th month anniversary of completing the Camino for me. Given the time difference, 5 months ago, I was depleted - drained of everything within me.

I have spent the last 5 months searching for the reason, or the Big Change as some would call it. Yet in reflection, I have done the complete opposite that one would expect of a pilgrim.

And so tonight, in remembering the journey I undertook, I write this prayer:

Lord, I offer you my life - my hands, my feet, my tongue, my eyes and my ears. But more importantly, I offer you my heart, that which I have kept contain in a glass box. Thinking it much safer to be admired but not touch.

I know in that offering you my heart, I am opening myself to pains, hurts and quite possibly much suffering. But I also believe that because You love me, You would do all within Your power from allowing that to happen to me.

And in knowing that and still giving it up to You, I offer myself to the miracles that awaits me in accordance to Your Will be done. May You bless this gift and accept it for the rest of the days of my life.

Amen.

At the end of it

My church has been disseminating information on the Camino as some holy tour company has decided that this is the "new" destination for Malaysians / Asians to head towards.

I am slightly disappointed as those who are keen associate it with the journey I undertook. And the disappointment stems purely from the fact that they will be walking a mere small fraction of the way and bussing it for the rest.

A family friend recently remarked to my dad how their pilgrimage to either Lourdes or Fatima (I forget!) was so uncomfortable, how the roads and buses in Europe are bad. I listen to it with utter disdain.

How unChristian, I know! But I'd like to believe that if one choses to embark on a pilgrimage - it is the journey there that matters, and not the end itself.

To each their own, I suppose.

Wonders and the Hand of God

This is the view of KL City's most famous icon - The KL Twin Towers - from my balcony on a clear night.

Ask me 6 months ago if I thought I'd be privileged enough to have an address with such a view, I'd have laughed you out of town. Yet, this is real - on top of looking forward to another view in 2 years time that would be all green and zen.

Just this itself is testament - the Wonders of God and how His Hand can move mountains.

Amen!

Road to Rome

"All roads leads to Rome" it is said. And though Rome was scheduled for 2013 summer, it has now taken a new twist ~ flying in would be cheating since there exist a pilgrimage on foot.

A lot of thought and praying needs to be done before a final solid cannot-turn-back decision is made. Apparently the Via Francigena is not as established as the Camino to Santiago. I have to be:

1) Mentally prepared to stop many times and figure my way out as the route is not as clearly marked as the Camino is.

2) Physically prepared to go as long as I need to as accommodations are not as frequently interjected along the way.

3) Spiritually prepared to do a lot of "listening" as I would likely be very often be all by myself (me and my own head!)

If I can for some strange reason overcome all the above factors that are already overwhelming me, it would be monumental for 2013 would again be a "big" year personally.

I once said if I had to go and walk again, it would mean that I did not learn enough the first time round. But looking at this now - I retract what I said earlier. For IF I do go and walk again, it would simply mean that God has again given me blessings so great and un-thought of before that the only way to repay him is to walk the way his apostles did to praise and glorify His Name.

Break Me Please

For the first time yesterday, I admitted that I am upset and pissed off. Very un-holy and un-Christian of me but if I continue to keep it within me, it would only eat me up from the inside until there is nothing left.

I took a walk through the house with Mum yesterday evening. Words cannot describe how my heart plummet at the state of disrepair that the house has come into. 20 years - we have definitely not treated that pile of bricks right at all. Nor have we given the people who dwell in it the right amount of respect, turning a blind eye to the state of squalor that they have been asked to live in. And by "they" I mean the children.

God forgive me for saying this but I will only blame the adults for allowing it to happen. And God forgive me for saying this but I have bought a pile of bricks that is worth only as much as they say it is on paper.

Two thoughts persists in my head as I think about the state of the house and the lives that unfold within it:

1) There will always be this big chasm that I have to cross with my parents when it comes to my brother. I was agog when I walked into his room for I was right - even the victims of the Haiti earthquake take more pride in their house and home. Yet, he is blameless. It was not his fault, rather it was my dad's, when all he tried to do was make the best of the situation from what lil money he had. But yet this man of 32, earning as much as I do now, is being allowed to just walk away from it all - without any compensation? Where is the justice in it all I ask heavenwards? Do I not have to work as hard to earn my money, yet I have to throw it all to fix what he has broken?

My parents have always been the sort that never asks of their children anything. Yet, this one time I wish they would sit him down and finally make him grow up to be the man that he is suppose to be. For if he continues to live his life with blinders on, he will never see the trail of destruction that he leaves behind for others to pick up.

2) Why has God thrust this upon my shoulders and yet not give me peace that should come from following His Will? Each day I grapple with this - seeking, asking, begging for peace. Yet, He alludes me. And I ask - is it my fate that I should always have to walk through the wilderness, coming out of it so broken in so many places with nothing left in me to savour what small victories I had won?

Right now I hang on the precipice of staying or walking away. Going down this road has brought me nothing but pain. For life was better when I had nothing but a couple of bucks in my wallet - when all I had to worry about was scraping together enough money for my next meal or filling the next tank of petrol.

I am tired of this constant battling. I am tired of this constant pressure. I am tired of this constant lopsidedness that exists. I am tired of this constant worry of how to satisfy everyone including my own self.

Or am I suppose to be left out of the equation altogether?

"Lord leave a place for me in the green pastures that you promised... where I am suppose to find rest."

A Cathedral

In my hometown, when I was growing up, there was a big buzz when the diocese decided to build a new church. A cathedral no less. It turned out to be a boxy lil thing and perhaps because I was unfazed by it, the significance of a cathedral has always been lost on me.

When I finally dragged myself into the square of the Cathedral of St James in Santiago de Compostella, I was physically, mentally and spiritually broken in so many pieces - 3 months later, I am realising that I had not done so many things. Such as sitting in silence at the square to marvel at this work of men.

I am currently re-reading the Pillars of the Earth, of Tom Builder's quest to as a master builder in the ye old days, to build a cathedral. It says that a "cathedral looms high above all things around it so that it draws one's eyes heavenward - towards God."

The Cathedral of St James is indeed a work to be marveled at. Built in the days where there were no such things as concrete mixers, cranes that goes hundreds of feet high, I can only imagine, using the book, how much work went into building it. All in the name of giving glory to God. And it was in His name that this feat was accomplished. That it still stands today for one and all to see.

In the midst of all financial madness, a new dream has sprouted. To go back to Santiago for a week. Just to sit in front of this wonderment and be still in amazement of what God can do. It is a mad dream. Cos I have just placed a commitment towards a new home. One that is half a million of doors over my initial budget.

Yet, something in me tells me that a year from now, on the anniversary of my initial pilgrimage, I will have the funds to not only bring myself but also my partner back to Santiago. To do as I did not the first time round.

~ Your Will be Done ~

3 Months In

The last time I wrote, a month ago, I was on the verge of purchasing my own property - a blessing I never thought could happen anytime in the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, that did not go as planned. But the search goes on. In fact, this week, I should be able to go and see this other place - which is almost double the price but far, far better in terms of conditions and value.

It hardly feels like it's been 3 months since I staggered into the plaza where the Cathedral stands. It hardly feels like it's been 3 months since I had such solitude that it drove me almost out of my own mind and skin. It feels WAY LONGER THAN THAT!

It is becoming clearer, the lessons I have learnt and how I am changing. I am more firm in what I want out of life and how I want to continue living my life. I am also a tad bit more patient - not a whole lot, but a wee bit goes a long way.

Anyways, I shall not be naive and think that a mere walk is going to change my life. The walk may be the starting point. But how it unfolds - that is really a daily journey that I have to carry on.

2 months on

It has been 2 months since I embarked on the Camino. Two short yet long months.

Short cos in terms of physical days, it has been whizzing by. Yet long cos at the back of my mind, my soul has been crying out for the quiet and the wilds, the alone-ness and the companionship. Strange that I would have been longing for those for when I was in the thick of things, it was the few things that I wanted to end my journey for - so that those torments would be gone from me.

I am just coming to terms to what it is I have learnt from my trek. Perhaps "learn" is not the appropriate word for it. Perhaps "realisation" would be a better word. And that itself brings about another phase completely on its own.

It is a continuous emptying process. That is what the Camino does to you. You look back on the things that you had done without and realise that if you could do without them then, you can do without them now as life returns to normalcy.

It is not as cut and dried as leaving behind a pair of shoes - that I admit. And of course the process goes much deeper than the mere discarding of material items.

And that is why I say it is another phase all on its own. Can I do it? I have yet to find out. Which means that the journey continues...

118 for 305

72 hours ago

After a long hiatus, I decided to have a peek at what property prices are like these days. It was something I had shoved to the back of my mind seeing how I had just committed myself to my parents' house. Nonetheless, the dream of owning my very own was still there.

It was a depressing effort though as I found that most everything that is matured had gone up about 30% and anything new was way beyond my means.

Sadly, one of the habits the Camino did not break was to let it go once a thought was planted in my head. And it was a full day of moping and moaning.

48 hours ago

Do I keep the dream fueled and going? And do I act now or do I just leave it as a dream? The reality of it is IF I opted for something more humble, the dream could become real. But if I was chasing something more fashionable, I would either have to hock my kids on eBay or leave the dream as a dream. I ended the day more or less resigned to the latter.

24 hours ago

Decided to test waters by bringing up the issue at home with the family. Surprisingly, it was encouraging. Yet, the fear was there. Even Dad saying "God willing you will get it" did not bring consolation. Again, I hung on the precipice.

Came home to my daily email message which said: Jesus assures us that if we go to Him, our “burden would be light.” Why is this so? With Jesus’ Spirit within our hearts, we are never alone; God who is almighty, infinitely compassionate and loving will always care for us. And it ended with Do we trust in His words or do we prefer to rely more on our own strength and human support?

Every step of my way, I have walked in His path. If anything, having done the Camino itself is a testament of how His Hands can make a way when there seemed none. I do have to do my homework on my part of course for even with God, He will help you if only YOU help yourself.

10.38 pm 14th July 2011

It has been a month since I completed my Camino and I am only just finding out what it is I have learnt. Whilst on the Camino, He showed me what a difference mere minutes and hours can make. So I should really not be surprised as I sit here tonight after a long work day and say TOMORROW I WILL BE BUYING MY OWN HOME. All done and dusted in under 5 hours.

And the bonus is this: it is everything I want in a home - balconies (3 !!!!!!!!!!) plus a garden, the feel of having a landed property within the confines and comfort of a condominium structure. And it is with HIS Blessing.

A lot of folks have been telling me that it appears my Walk has paid off. The title for this posting is the distance I walked for the price I am going to pay for my home.

Yet as I sit here in reflection, I do realise that the Camino (with all its pains) was not a down-payment for the blessings I am receiving today. And with God, it is not what you physically do that counts. It is knowing where your anchor lies and trusting in that the anchor will not fail you. Faith and surrender.

Tonight as I turn in, I quietly bless all the yellow arrows that came across my way. Thank you for opening my eyes, my heart, my mind and soul for without that, I would not have the wisdom to know when to employ Faith and Surrender when I have to.

It truly was and will continue to have been a really good Buen Camino!

The Capping Stone

It is a strange feeling, to have planned and worked towards something and then to achieve it. Because I have been in pain from tendinitis of the right ankle and left knee and having to move myself from one country to the other (Yes, I am in Ireland now), I am just sitting down to soak it all in.

For the next couple of days, Dublin will be “home” and I have to say, it is with much relief – I am at least able to understand and be understood here. Also, I will be here for more than 24 hours which is a welcomed change after a week of literally being on the road.

I am officially a pilgrim. Went out bright and early in the rain in Santiago this morning to get my compostela. A piece of paper written in Latin on which there is not a single word, save my name, which I understand.

But what does it all mean? Have I achieved what I wanted to achieve? Aside from physically pushing my body to the limits and my mind stretched like taffy – what else did I get out of this? And then again – what does it mean to be a pilgrim?

My Camino online friend, Claire wrote on my Facebook wall that she had met up with some Puerto Ricans on her way and they had mentioned me. I gather that would be Ruth whom I met somewhere between Portomarin and Palas de Rei.

I would like to think that those I had time to share my story with, had felt a difference and in that difference remembered me to others, and not simply because I am the Asian girl from Malaysia. I have promised Chris that I will send her a copy of Dad’s book when I return home because Rachel and her did the Camino the way I had intended to – in prayer (Ma – 6 rounds of Rosaries they said each day!)

I am in a state of gratefulness and wonderment. Kinda like a child on Christmas morning – where did all these presents suddenly come from?! I may be close to RM 5000 poorer but I am definitely certain that I am at least half a lifetime richer in experience.

What is next?

Andreas from Germany says his next goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. Dietrich also of Germany (aged 71 mind you) says next time he will start not from Lyon but from the very beginning up in the Netherlands. Lisa of Canada will have to decide what she wants to do with her career. Gambor of Hungary will have to decide if he wants to remain in Switzerland with the love of his life or pack up and go back to Budapest. Ruth from Puerto Rico hopes that she will return home closer to God. Paul of Belgium wants to spend more time doing the things he had always dreamed of doing but never got round to. And Claire from Australia will have to decide if she goes out to work or go back to studying.

Dad said that I may or may not see God’s plan for me immediately after the Camino and I gather that is about right. After all, His World is an ever evolving one – the big picture may remain but because He created us in His Likeness and still gave us free will – the lil bits to getting there may always be changing.

But for now, I want my eyes, ears, mouth and heart to remain as open as it is now. To lose the notion of “it is my way, or hit the highway!” To not worry that for “every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” and let that worry hold me back.

For these two are my definition of what it means to totally surrender my life to His hands and His will.

And if there is a bigger picture out there with my name on it that I do not yet see – Cies La Vie! It will come, when it is meant to be.

Thank you for following this blog. I hope it has brought some meaning to your life as much as walking these 118 km did to mine.

God bless!

Camino ends

It is done.

Arrived in Santiago de Compostela about 4 hours ago. And they sure know how to make that final bit last.

The trek was the worst today, physically. Even now, I am awaiting the pharmacy to reopen so I can get the pain, cold and cough sorted.

Putting all of it together, it goes without saying that as I entered Plaza Immaculata, I rung home and wept.

I have yet to take stock of this entire journey. All I know is I walked all 118 km and live to tell the tale.

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The Home Stretch

The cocks are crowing and the birds are chipping. Some folks living at this restored farmhouse with me have already loaded up and headed off.

I am taking this morning to savour the pain and the mystery. As my girlfriend said: I have walked over 100 km!

For this last bit, I am not gonna think. Gonna do as Lisa said: Empty myself. Is there more to be emptied? Yes, I think there is. Just gonna run it through the sugarcane press one more time. And I know I will cos it is downhill from here on out before the city comes into sight.

I cannot imagine what I will do. I do not want to imagine - but as we know me, I have to try very hard at that!

El Camino is coming to an end but again as Bon Jovi says: Every New Beginning is some beginning's end.

Here's to my new beginning then! Wish me luck!

The Difference of A Day

"What a difference a day makes" goes the song in my head. I finally made it to Villamaior - 7.5km away from Santiago de Compostela. I have walked in 4 days 110 km.

This morning, I said that nothing that the day brings will throw me off. As I sit here cooling down, I cannot believe I was THAT naive!

A German family who is staying here after arriving in Santiago this morning told me - tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow I will be happy for I will be arriving. The man also told me today it had nothing to do with the distance I did - didn't I do the same yesterday? The only difference is all in my head, because yesterday - everyone was doing the 30-ish km stretch with me.

I have always said: What doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger. But I don't exactly feel that right now. I feel like a crumpled heap. I caved and I broke and I lost my hat in the process.

Am I ashamed for sitting at the intersection, bawling like a babe? No. I think it was meant to be.  HE had intended it to be just so - how else would HE reach me? Truth be told, while I may have been having hymns of praise in my iPod playing, my mind was still wondering abouts. Except for that last stretch - I did everything I could to keep going. I prayed the rosary, I sang the hymns I grew up with, I cried for the Spirit to consume me just to carry my legs onward.

I think He heard me. Cos shortly after I had posted my last blog, this lil old lady came pacing up the road and quietly sat next to me. She didn't say a word. She just sat there, next to me and stared ahead at the road. And further on, 2 Austrian ladies appeared out of nowhere, also searching for their hostel for the night. And when we reached it, despite only having exchanged a few words with me, they turned, hugged and kissed me, wishing me luck on my way.

Every day since I have been on the road, I have had at least 1 person cross my path to show me some different thought. And everyday, I have also had persons come just as angels to keep me buoyant.

I am sorry that I had to come all this way, just to have my eyes opening to these facts which I believe happens everyday in my life back home as well.

And that is the difference that a day like today makes.

The Breakdown

It is 12.5 km San Polo. The airport is in front of me, the trail to my right. I have 4.5 km to go for the day. Everyone else that started out today with me, stopped walking 10 km back.

At this place, in the middle of an intersection, I am literally breaking down. My feet can keep going. My spirit tho' lays broken.

Bon Jovi sings into my head: right here, right now - this is where you're suppose to be!

Lisa from Canada told me today that the Camino is meant to empty you so that newness can take place.

I am empty alright. Not a single soul has passed me by for the last 4 hours. I cannot be more alone that i have been today.

Good lord - with so lil left to go, you decide to break me. I'm gonna have me a good cry, a smoke then move on.

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The End is Near

sobreThere is a joy in my heart this morning that I cannot explain. No matter what the terrain is today, I know it will not daunt me.

Yesterday as I arrived into Arzua, after 7 pm, I knew I must have been really late - the town's people passing me by was shouting 'sobre' encouraging me on.

It took 11 hours but I made it. What more today when i will be able to already sight the Cathedral by then?

The end is near... I can smell it in the air!

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Day 3: Palas de Rei to Arzua

I am ashamed. Here I am, a 35 ½ year old, with all my limbs intact, my health and fitness level in good conditions and I am struggling majorly to finish this walk.

It took me over 11 hours to get to where I am right now. While the bright side is that I am under 40 km away from my destination, I am still not pleased.

I just chanced upon my 2^nd pair of Irish walkers. And the shocking thing is this: the man has only half of 1 leg. And he looked mighty fine, lounging in the chair downstairs while I look and feel like something the cat dragged in.

This is a treacherous leg – no wonder many organisers advise that you break it up into 2 bits. I am trying to remember why then did I decide to do this same distance tomorrow. Just so I have a lil bit left on my last day?

So many things have not gone as planned on this trip. While it has allowed me to open my eyes a bit more, I am also struggling with the loss of control. I should be out there right now, having my dinner, chatting with more folks about the experience. Instead, I am smelling like last week’s vegetables and aching in places I never knew existed on my body.

Maybe I am lacking focus here – after all, isn’t this supposed to be about surrendering?

With 1 day left, I am now worried – would this all be for nothing in the end?

All by myself

I am halfway there. But I am also.tired of being all by myself. This solitary lifestyle, you would think I'd be used to it - living by myself. But there is something about being on a road such as this on your own.

It drives home how much people need people to thrive.

It reminds me: how is where your heart is.

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Babies

I'm talking online to my daughter, Lydia, right now. And I am realising just how much I am missing them.

Yesterday, my walking companion, Carmen, who has a 19 year old daughter, told me: Enjoy them now cos before you know it, they will be out of the house and out of your life!

I admit - this trip is very selfish on my part. And it is something I am realising now when I am already on it. Can I see them doing the Camino with me? Not exactly. So I can only hope that I come back a better person so that I can be a better mum and role-model for them.

Oh well - never again to be away for so long without them.

Love you Doh-bird and Lukey!

Prayers

Twice today, after talking with people and answering their questions of Why I am on the Camino, I have had persons - perfect strangers - asked if they could pray for me. It happened on the trail and it happened again this evening.

I was all ready to crawl into bed and hole up for the night some 3 hours ago with my book. But the sounds of this Puerto Rican group who is travelling the Camino and playing folk hymns from their country wherever they stop at night was just calling out to me. And I thought to myself: I didn't come all this way to read my book! I could have just done that at home and save all the pain.

So into the muchos frio (very cold) night air I went and it was a sight! And a blessing. For if you remember from my earlier post, the pains of this body was so great it was beginning to get to me. So to hear Psalm 66 being sung in a language I did not understand - man! That blew me away!

And it lead on to a conversation with a group of ladies, one of whom I had met at lunch today and we got to talking. And their prayer for me, at the end of the evening (I can't bring myself to call it night cos right now, the sky is still so damn bright!), was exactly what I had needed - a reminder of all the things that is good.

If you recall last week, I had written about this expected profound change after all this is done and dusted. Something concrete that is to stay with me and within me. Right up till tonight, I could not see what it was. And the fog has lifted. And it is simply this: That I remain open to all things and persons around me!

From the Camino: Portomarin to Palas de Rei

I logged on to my Facebook to find a truly inspiring remind from Sam. It was a quote from the movie Forrest Gump, where he said: When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went. Lady: And so, you just WALK? F.Gump: Yes! I lost track of the number of times I had stopped and well, for the same distance as yesterday, I only managed to clear it in 9 hours. I cannot imagine tomorrow and the day after which has an extra 10km each.

My body is in such pain today, I am so tempted to cancel all my appointments in Dublin for Wednesday and Thursday, and just stay an extra 2 days so I can lie in bed tomorrow and not move. And despite all the precautions I took, I am today a proud owner of 3 baby blisters all on my toes.

But I have to say this: Perhaps God reads blogs! Cos last night, after I had uploaded my post and feeling so lost and forlorn, I met my 1st friend of the Camino - Paul of Belgium. Paul is cycling his way and he started 3 weeks ago from Antwerp. As I write this, he would have entered into Santiago already. I am grateful that he decided to camp out under a tree in the garden of the place I was staying at cos he spoke English (very selfish I know but hell!) The encouragement he gave (especially about food and needing to eat more to have the energy) went a long way especially this morning, needing to start out on Day 2.

Now, I know all about the Day 2 blues. But nothing prepared me for how my body would fight against my will. So I guess, it was further blessing that I met more people who spoke English and decided to give Spanish a serious go - I have now added about 20 other words to "hello" and "ice cream."

We all walk this way because we want to do something in a seriously big way. My walking companion for the last 10 km today was Carmen from Toronto. She started from France and Dad - she's about as big as you are. I also met another lady, Nicole who is on her 3rd run of the Camino. And she speaks of doing it differently next year as if it is a given thing.

There were no major realisations today simply because I was paying my pain too much attention. If God is tuning in today - I'm gonna ask simply for this: Shut my pain receptors down tomorrow so that I don't turn around, get on a bus and say "screw this!"

Till the next time I find free internet again- Hasta Luego!

From the Camino: Sarria to Portomarin

It’s the end of my 1^st day of walking. And I swear, if my feet had a say, they would have left me about 20 km away.

I was so naïve to think that the Camino de Santiago de Compostela was something you could train for. Hell – no amount of walking on the treadmill or BodyPump classes could have prepared me for this. In a way, I am glad I did not spend all that much time at the gym the last few weeks. I would be cursing and swearing even harder!

Anyways, after 2 days of sleeping at odd angles, the train ride from Madrid to Sarria was a welcomed change. A wee tiny bed in a chamber smaller than my study room, filled with 4 adult bodies. And guess what – none of them spoke English! Nonetheless, we go through the night. Morning saw 3 of us heading off onto the Camino at Sarria – still not saying any more than “Hola”.

Some of you would have caught my desperate plea over Facebook as I stood at the corner of the coffee shop, cigarette in hand, staring down the direction I was pointed towards. If not for the other chap having his cigarette as well, I would have sunk to my knees beside the lamppost and bawled my heart out.

I would like to think that it was your response to my cry for prayers that has me sitting here at the Casa Rural Santa Marina, typing out today’s events.  Otherwise, I would likely be sitting at the Sarria train station, waiting for the train back to Madrid by now!

What have I learnt at the end of today’s 23 km? A few key things:

1) There is an invisible strength in numbers – 6 hours of walking, I think apart from myself, there were only about 5 others that I met along the way who was walking on their own. Ever few km or so, you’ll find pairs of folks sitting down to their packed picnic stuff or stopping to take pictures of each other at key markers. Perhaps that was why the ladies at the Amigos centre were surprised at this escapade of mine yesterday – they knew!

2) Life goes on – much of the route took me to people’s backyards. Lil old ladies were farming their vegetable patch, men running their tractors up and down the fields. Life goes on even as I am on quite possibly the biggest adventure of my life! Go figure!

3) The universal language – There is something about not understanding what another person is saying that reminds you the importance of your hands. At this point, I hope my feet are not tuning in or they will really disown for the credit I am about to give to my hands. It is the universal language – your hand gestures. A German elderly man (Dad – he is definitely older than you!) saw me slowing down towards the last leg and he said in German that I was tiring. When that failed, he decided to go with “flat” with his hands gesturing a levelled ground. Yes – my battery was low was my reply.

4) Forgetting the sound of your own voice – Yes, it is quite possible. Especially when the only words that come out have been “Hola” and “Buen Camino!” These foreign words rolling off my tongue and silence in between has led me to believe that somewhere between Doha and Madrid, I left my voice behind.

5) Uphill / downhill – They always say, take the stairs up, not down, if you wanna get healthy. Well, at this point, I cannot decide which is the lesser of two evils – uphill or down. Having to climb requires sheer grit – do what you must to just get to the top. But going downhill requires the right balance of control on all parts of your body. Lean forward a tad too much and you’re gonna go rumble-tumble just like Jack (of Jack and Jill). Put too much control and your knees are gonna make you pay for it, along with your back. So there – sheer grit or balance of control?!

As I sit, clean (finally!), cold (never believe an European when they tell you the weather has turned warm!) and full (a surprise complimentary lunch from Sarah, the bodega owner of a huge salad) – I am trying to figure this out: I came on this journey, wanting to tell my story and God’s glory and grace. How the hell am I to do that when I don’t even know how much a meal cost?!

Perhaps all is not lost just yet. Perhaps that which I had in mind, is not what is meant to be.

Anyways – 23 km in the bag. Let’s be open to what tomorrow brings!