Monday, May 30, 2011

The Whole Nine Yards

I am sitting here, waiting to head for dinner and asking another friend some silly question. When my mind is not in my head and it feels as if my soul decided to throw itself out the window.

I have just realised that I made a royal boo-boo. The consequence of it is simple - I will have enough funds to get to Madrid and kick off the Camino. What happens after that is all quite up in the air at the moment and while is targeted to be a certain date, this round of screw-up is making it very hard to have confidence in the process.

This uncertainty is driving me crazy while I fight to keep it down. As I told my brother: this only goes to show that the Big Guy Upstairs is relentless. He wants me to really live it up , walk the talk of my so-called faith and is going the whole nine yards on this lesson plan.

This situation is no stranger to me. I have seen it so many times and I have seen His Hand prevail each and every time. (See - there I can even say it outloud!) But I realise this - each time, I have been on the side-lines only. Never directly involved. And so, each time, the magic of the miracle gets a little lost on me.

I guess, God is probably thinking - enough of these halfway-houses missy! It is time it sticks in your head for good.

Knowing all these doesn't lessen the anxiety, the fear, the terror. So please this evening, I ask of you to pray very hard for me .... and with me.

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